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Tits. Hooters. Honkers. Boobies. Funbags. Bajongas. Whatever you call them, the consensus for males of the world is this: breasts are fucking awesome. But just like beer, potato chips, whiskey, and all the other things in the world we love, breasts can come in many different varieties. After hours of painstaking research (believe me, it was tough), I have compiled the tits of the world into five distinct categories.
Pillow Tits
Not a single man in the history of this Earth has complained about a heavenly pair of Pillow Tits. Named for their incomparable softness (built for comfort, not for speed), Pillow Tits are only two things: natural and large. Your ideal pair of Pillow Tits will sit proudly on the chest of a slam like sacks full of happiness and sunshine.
The Perky Handful
Big enough to hold on to, but small enough to enjoy the more subtle nuances, Perky Handful Tits are perfect for the guy who doesn’t want to hear a girl complain about her “lower back problems,” but still wants a little mammary gland bang for his buck
Droopy Tits
Due to the amazing advancements in modern lingerie technology, Droopy Tits are often hard to spot until the moment you’re about to hoist your face in between them. It seems girls with this ailment have been facing an 18+ year vicious battle with gravity, a war gravity is clearly winning.
Fake Tits
The best part about Fake Tits? They are the most reliable and docile breed of blouse bunnies. No matter what rigorous physical activity or bra technology she subjects herself to, those fuckers are going to stay firmly planted in place like the eyes of a Tiger hunting its prey.
